Learning to Love ... And it hurts in all the right places.

on Thursday, May 13, 2010

Learning to Love ... And it hurts in all the right places.

Ooooh, another one of those complicated questions are coming. I can feel it! Those mushy ooey gooey questions all full of feelings and heavies. Too much for you? Can't stand it? Turn back now cuz it's coming ... oh oh ... here it is. "BOOM!"

What does real love look like?

Phew, glad that's over with. But not so fast. There is so much heart wrenching loveliness to discuss here.

Have you ever been in one of those relationships that so oozed love that people were sickened by it?

You know what a mean! ... When you hear a kid lip their mom off and completely disrespect them, manipulate, call names, whine and complain about them and take advantage and you turn around to find mom running to their rescue with open arms because they just took a major dive off their skateboard and figured out they really shredded something up (pun intended :P). Oh ... maybe ... that's ... not the ooey gooey love you were thinking of?!?!

Maybe you were thinking of the absent husband that came home drunk and threw up all over the floor on his way to bed and you turn around to see the wife, kneeling on the floor in her housecoat, washing the floor with a bucket of water, a rag and a tear soaked tissue tucked in her bra. She gets up in the morning to fix him his eggs just like he likes them and a steaming hot cup of coffee.

No, still not the picture you were thinking?

Oooooh, you were thinking of the newlywed couple, who only met a few weeks ago and knew at first sight that destiny brought them together. They love every little thing about their new love. The funny little mole on his chin, the way she snorts when she giggles, can't keep their eyes or hands off each other and they have all these corny little lovey dovey things to say to each other. Then they turn around a few years later asking themselves what they were thinking and trying to find the highest rolling, lowest charging divorce lawyer in the phone book.

Wow, the pictures we have accepted as images of extravagant love!??!  Honestly, it's all pretty dysfunctional and we know it, but where does that furious love of the Lord fit in all of this, in our dysfunctional world filled with misunderstandings, misunderstood, manipulations, control, codependency. 

I'm learning a lot about love. Maybe my lesson is old hat to you, but this is my blog so bare with me while I process.

I've spent a long time looking at dysfunction and looking for the loopholes in all the Kingdom, Jesus, the scripture teach us about love. It's so easy to look at an abusive relationship (controlling, manipulative, passive - they come in all shapes and sizes) and give yourself permission to check out on the love factor.
I know what some of you are thinking ..... soooo Whoah! Hold your horses! I'm gonna get there.

I think this note is going to stir some pots, cuz, I know that there is the whole co-dependency thing, the facilitating thing, head in the sand, aiding and abetting, tough love, boundaries, drawing the line, controlling your destiny, rights! All those get mushed together to make a great big argument that says shutting off the love and checking out is okay.

But where is the love? How often do we counsel our friends or reason through our own situation while thinking of our rights, their rights. There are some people who are really great at keeping the love on while maintaining healthy boundaries and they should probably give lessons, but I really think it has become way to easy to justify withdrawal. Removing yourself from the relationship or at least removing yourself from the responsibility of love.

How many times has that abusive person in your life completely treated you unjustly? ... Too many to count?!?! It really hurt! That wasn't some fictitious pain. And that was totally not okay and it wasn't right ... Thoughts like "they are never going to treat me that way again! I'll teach them! I should've said ..." How many times have we stayed quiet in fear of waking the beast, rocking the boat. Just sit down, shut up, pretend it isn't happening and it will all go away. In fact, if I just walk away right now, it will never have to happen to me again.        But what about this person that you once loved. Oh, I know! They have to want it ... their sickness is not your responsibility... am I my brother's keeper?

 ...But love!  
When we were yet sinners Christ died for us! ... It's the kindness of God that leads us to repentance. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. It's not til we turn on the love and keep it on, that the person can truly get a glimpse of what they can become. If no one loves you, you feel no love. To feel no love means that your life will be consumed by fear and the tragic loss of identity. It's because He first loved us that our lives are worth anything today. And you know what! You are so worth it! a billion dollars! a whole garden of beautiful, fragrant roses, a sunny day, a majestic mountain, a heart warming song, a cool breeze on a hot day, that perfect parking spot when you don't feel like walking or a path completely free of dog poo when you do :)

You are worth it. And it's all because He loves you. It makes me think that an epic river of love that keeps flowing can actually change a person! For sure, I don't always feel like I'm worth it, but the Bible still says I am and who's gonna argue with the Bible? When they understand that they are worth it, than there is reason, maybe for the first time, to change.

I have a millions questions in my heart about what heaven's love looks like in the midst of dysfunction as I'm sure you do too. Or maybe you didn't before, but thanks to me you do now! Haha, I love the power of influence. There is one thing I know, that true love is not afraid to confront ... or maybe it is afraid, but love does it anyway. I was tempted to try to give you tools, but ultimately, the best teaching is Holy Spirit, after that there is Danny Silk ... haha. True! :)

I guess this is a great big note to say "Lord, teach me how to love the unlovelies!"
Teach me how to be genuine in my love, sincere in my action, brave in my communication and to live a life that will testify that I am a Christian.

"They'll know we are Christians by our love."

He loves you because He loves you, because He loves you, because He loves you, because He loves you, because He loves you, because He loves you, because He loves you, because He loves you, because He loves you, because He loves you. He didn't need any other reason.

I love you.


Anonymous said...

I Love you! Thank you for showing me something I needed to see this morning :)

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