What fills my heart and hence will likely fill this blog over time.

I'm catching myself all the time. Worried about money, circumstances that aren't working out, scared I made a wrong choice, missed God's voice, leaving myself out on a limb outside of God's grace and mercy where the favour of God can no longer bless my life. Maybe I've made choices that drew my life out of the hand of God, just beyond His reach and now I will be at the mercy of sewing and reaping, natural consequences ........ Than Holy Spirit gives my head a shake ... and reminds me .... "Didn't you ask me to keep you in the center of my will?" ...... "Didn't you surrender to my plan for your life?" ...... "Don't you remember my words?" .... "I will never leave you or forsake you." .... "Those who trust in me will never be put to shame." ..... "God judges the heart." .... "Perfect love will cast out all your fear and I am here now to confirm that perfect love to you." I could never fall from His grace because the cross was all sufficient. It covers a multitude of sins? how about ignorance, blatant disregard? His blood paid for it all and now all the decisions made for my life are made by the father looking at me through rose coloured glasses. Stained by the blood. It's like I can do no wrong and the father wants nothing more than to lead me and guide me in peace and righteousness upheld by His grace and mercy that will never run out.

That constant struggle between a pauper and prince mentality. I am not a poor man begging for bread or mercy. I am an heir to the kingdom, a child of God, I wear his signet ring (the Holy Spirit) and that means I have great authority. I have spent the last couple years sitting under the ministry of Bill Johnson and Kris Vallotton in Redding, California hearing sermon after sermon, teaching after teaching on my identity in Christ. The fact that I am Jesus glorious inheritance. That I am seated at the right hand of the father and I have my Daddy's ear. I am chosen and loved by the creator of the universe ... and still I fear. Wow, this is a big lesson and I fear it may take my whole life and beyond to truly grasp how great the father's love for us, vast beyond all measure, to know and understand what my identity entitles me to and I have allowed the enemy to steal from me like taking candy from a baby.

I was pondering this last week, while signing Christmas cards, what it would look like to truly survey the fullness of God's love in our lives. I am reminded of an old Amy Grant song called "Angels watching over me" and how it talked about a reckless car that ran out of gas before it ran my way. I'm reminded too of pulling up to a restaurant and sitting in my car feeling really cold and asking God for a parking spot close to the door so I don't have to walk too far and before I have a chance to finish the thought/prayer someone is pulling out of the spot in front of me. Little ideas of the fullness of His love that follow me everyday. But I know I have not even seen the tip of this iceberg. Psalm 139 says that in the secret place he knew me, he knit me together in my mother's womb, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. This speaks to me of the beginning of time, when Adam was formed out of the dust of the earth. He knew me the day He made Adam and before that when he created the earth itself. It also says in Psalm 139 : all the days ordained for me were written before one of them came to be. What good works have gone on in my life, in my parents lives, in their parents lives that have established my life with such favour? I am so thankful to live in this moment and sit in such a seat of privilege. I pray for each of us ... that in this season ... we might taste and see for a moment, for a month, for the rest of our lives how good our God is and how full is the love that He has so freely poured out on us from the beginning of time.

In light of this love, I must choose each day to think princely thoughts. I don't even always know what that is meant to look like. When I am in fear I need to remind myself of the fulness of His love. I might need to ask Him for a different perspective on my situations because looking for His love and goodness in the midst of the storm isn't always the most natural of responses. Well ... it was for Jesus ... when he slept in the belly of the boat being tossed about by the wind and waves. I think I have many a lesson to learn from this Jesus, Prince of Peace. I want to know Him more.